This sort of sums up my life pre-baby. I don’t know why I don’t do this anymore? I used to play dress-up, frolic around, paint my face, make art, dance, drink fancy wine, and go to lots of gallery shows. A year into motherhood and I’m finally starting to feel settled. It’s taken me much longer than many other parents, I think. I’ve had the most difficult time adjusting to the fact that I am, indeed, a mother. This past year I wasn’t sure how to balance the person that I used to be and the person that I need to be now. It’s slowly becoming apparent that it’s pretty impossible, which is fine! I’m beginning to mold into this new person, which I didn’t think I’d like but I do.
I’ve been making more art. It’s been a gradual thing but time was never actually the issue I’ve realized. I felt so lost and ungrounded before that it was hard for me to remain positive, which means it was hard for me to get motivated. For some reason, lately I’ve begun to change my mindset about a lot of things. It’s funny how the smallest ways of being can change your persona completely. I’m setting goals and accomplishing them. I’m feeling more confident in myself and in my work as an artist and mother. I have been unable until recently really see that- hey, it’s possible that I am a good mom. I love Odin to the moon and back a thousand times over, but I don’t feel like that’s enough!
I used to thrive in making other people happy. All through art school, I’d make little things and just give them away- just to see someone smile. No doubt, if someone was having a bad day, they’d get a little Michelle gift. I miss that! I’ve been trying to fill my down time with art and gift-making because it does make me ridiculously happy. I think I’m gradually getting better at that too.
People are ever-growing and changing, I’m no different. I’m coming to terms with that and I think I’m finally starting to see who I am and can be now. I want to be that person- for me, for Z, and for Odin. I want to smile and I want to make them smile. I want to spread happiness to everyone I come in contact with and I want it to be in my nature like it used to be. The recent changes in my life are helping me on that path and I am forever thankful to my family, friends, and the universe for guiding me down this path.
photo by Rob Smith