In a wave of emotion were bits of excitement and also a little sadness. Missing the baby you once were but oh so eager to see the child you’re becoming. You grow smarter and a tiny bit more independent every day. I do love seeing this. I love seeing the excitement and happiness on your face as you learn something new.
After that night of walking all over the house, after you fell asleep at my breast, I thought about our night. You seemed so big only moments before, but nuzzled on my arm at my chest you seemed to be that same little baby you were a year ago. Slumbering so peacefully on your mama, I didn’t want that moment to end. I felt so torn. Throughout the night, I dreamed of you growing. I realized that your newfound feat filled you with joy, you were all smiles and giggles as you took those first steps. Those smiles are the source of my joy. Those smiles are what lights the fire in my heart and keeps it beating.
We woke up the next morning and helped your papa get ready for work. I had spent the night saying goodbye to my little baby boy and embracing this more independent child you were quickly becoming. I kissed your precious little face more times than I can count as you slept peacefully beside me. After a night of preparing myself for the newly walking toddler I knew I’d wake up to, I was surprised when you pointed to our sling and repeated “ma ma ma ma.” I wrapped you in silk and you smiled gently. You rested your head under my chin and stayed that way for the entire morning. We nursed and danced and napped and giggled all while you stayed close to your mama.
Even as you continue to grow into a wild golden little boy, I’ve realized that you will forever be my little baby. I have never felt more happiness than in the moments I’ve spent with you and your papa. You two are my everything and my life has never felt so full.
I love you, my little boy,