He and I were friends for years before we became lovers. We met in the lilyponds one afternoon when I had just left my retail job for the day. He had just come back to the island after months of traveling across the country in the most exciting ways, hitch-hiking and freight train hopping. He had just come back to the island from adventures and meeting new people every day. This is where he was from, I was only here for that summer. Little did I know the next year, I’d come back a week after graduating college with the last of my money hoping to find a place to stay and a place to work. This is where my friends were and I had fallen in love with this magical little island. After a summer of gin and tonics, running around barefoot in the woods, swimming every day, having secret bonfires in places we shouldn’t, and dancing and playing music into the early morning it just sort of happened. We fell in love. It was most definitely an accident, but it was the happiest accident I’ve ever made. We had tried to be friends for awhile and I feel like our pull to one another was just too strong for us to refuse.
The first time we kissed we were laying on a blanket in the driveway outside of the barn, watching the stars and the fireflies dance amongst one another. That night was perfect.
He had planned to leave the island that October to travel. I should have left with him, but I felt I needed to stay to make art and work my current retail job to pay my student loans. A day after he left, I had a 3 day weekend so I hopped off island and met up with him in Boston. We drove together with all of our friends that were traveling with him to Providence RI and stayed with another friend when we arrived. Zak and I would disappear into an abandoned highway and hide in giant concrete construction tubes and laugh and dance and breathe each other in. The second day we were in Providence, my heart was heavy. I would have to go back to our island the following day and he would head West. I left our friend’s house to go for a walk on my own and got lost wandering the neighborhood towards the local town. I found an art shop, bought some clay to play with and as I left, a marching band paraded in front of me. I followed it, knowing that it would probably make me even more lost than I already was. I danced anyway.
Zak had gone for a walk as well, soon after I had left. He was on the abandoned highway playing the trumpet when he heard the marching band and followed it, finding me. Things always happened that way.
He drove me back to the Cape and we cuddled in the car and walked around Hyannis most of the day until my boat left that evening. We talked about huge art plans. Plans that were going to raise awareness in at least one person if not many. Leaving that boy was so hard for me. He didn’t have a phone then and our only form of communication was through the internet and I never knew when he’d have access to that. Everything was a guessing game, but it was sort of exciting too. To wake up on some random day and find a little love letter in my inbox and a story of his travels thus far. Every so often he would call me and we would giggle and tell one another of our adventures. I would tell him how I had never missed anyone the way that I missed him. I remember waking up with my heart in pain from dreams of him.
He left in October and by December, we both missed each other so much we felt as if we were about to explode. My work season ended just after New Years and I told him I wanted to fly out to meet him wherever he was. He was a ramblin’ man at that time and so he told me, “tell me the day and city and I’ll be there.”
He was. I arrived in Palm Springs at night and the following day he called me telling me he had arrived and asking me where he could meet me. We were shy like little kids who had never kissed anyone and didn’t really sink into each others arms until a few days later in Big Sur. That was the most beautiful moment. We vowed to be together on the most beautiful cliff overlooking the ocean. I didn’t have a sleeping bag so he shared his. That was the most perfect day.
The rest is history really. We’ve been almost inseparable since. We moved in together and grew a little baby inside of me. We feasted on eggs and avocado and traveled to New Orleans and Asheville in our school bus. We’ve been paving our life together ever since. We will make a farm together and build a beautiful house.
Since becoming parents we’ve had days that are worst than others, but he is who I want to stand beside from this day until my last day (a little GoT nerd-dom there. Sorry!). He is everything to me and our love still feels like it did when we were younger and a little more wild. It fills me up and drives me mad. I’m such a pain sometimes and he loves me still. His love notes are always a surprise and make me fall in love with him all over again even when I think that may be impossible. Now we have a little human that we can see each other in. I see Zak in Odin and I’m sure Zak sees me, but we see more Odin than anything else and nothing makes us more proud.
I love that man so very much.